About twelve years ago I started taking the prescription medication Seroquel in an effort to combat a serious lack of non-interrupted sleep. Being a working mother & stepmother to one, six & nine year olds was challenging & so was having Unipolar depression which I was already successfully being treated for. I innocently thought that a 'non-addictive' sleep aide prescribed by a Psychiatrist would help me to get a good nights sleep. 

As of today, I am over one month into what has been a very scary & unpredictable withdrawal from just 12.5 mg of Seroquel. I realize this may be a sensitive subject & it's not easy for me to talk about, but I am starting up this blog again to call attention to the dangers of this drug, which I firmly believe is not only addictive, but also contributed to the tragic death of one of my best friends Sue at the age of 50.

I'm preserving all my previous entries entries ending in 2010, while still using Seroquel.

Checking In

As of today, February 17, I am on Day 25 of being off Seroquel entirely, (I took just 5 mg of a generic two weeks ago due to an anxiety attack & thoughts of feeling too 'high'). I woke up 19 hours later, groggy & disoriented & flushed the rest down the toilet. I then spent the next afternoon in my Psychiatrist's office, bawling my eyes out with the raw emotions of a child, while she explained that instead of being high, I was actually returning to normal. She has been a God-Send for me. I HAVE made it through a very difficult 60 days. Now I understand why they ask people to go to rehab for at least 45 days to really get a running start off addiction, before returning to the real world.

Along with the anti-depressant Effexor XR I have been on for several years, I am now on a very small dose of an anti-anxiety med at night while I learn how to fall asleep like a 'normal' person & am starting to wake up refreshed. I AM getting clearer every day & am able to get things done without feeling overwhelmed.  I have the energy to care about my living environment again & am planning out the interior of our new home. I have also lost 12 pounds because I am not on Seroquel & self medicating with food & in turn I am motivated to eat better & to exercise. I used to drink about five cups of strong coffee throughout the day to stay awake & now I can barely tolerate two cups.

I also feel like I have lost over 12 years of my life. There is a ton of grief & anger that goes along with the repercussions of my dependence. I have re-started this blog' & am beginning my research into the horror of my friend Sue's death & others who have experienced life on Seroquel. EMDR therapy also continues to be a baseline touchstone for me. More on that next time.