Monday, February 17, 2014

Checking In

As of today, February 17, I am on Day 25 of being off Seroquel entirely, (I took just 5 mg of a generic two weeks ago due to an anxiety attack & thoughts of feeling too 'high'). I woke up 19 hours later, groggy & disoriented & flushed the rest down the toilet. I then spent the next afternoon in my Psychiatrist's office, bawling my eyes out with the raw emotions of a child, while she explained that instead of being high, I was actually returning to normal. She has been a God-Send for me. I HAVE made it through a very difficult 60 days. Now I understand why they ask people to go to rehab for at least 45 days to really get a running start off addiction, before returning to the real world.

Along with the anti-depressant Effexor XR I have been on for several years, I am now on a very small dose of an anti-anxiety med at night while I learn how to fall asleep like a 'normal' person & am starting to wake up refreshed. I AM getting clearer every day & am able to get things done without feeling overwhelmed.  I have the energy to care about my living environment again & am planning out the interior of our new home. I have also lost 12 pounds because I am not on Seroquel & self medicating with food & in turn I am motivated to eat better & to exercise. I used to drink about five cups of strong coffee throughout the day to stay awake & now I can barely tolerate two cups.

I also feel like I have lost over 12 years of my life. There is a ton of grief & anger that goes along with the repercussions of my dependence. I have re-started this blog' & am beginning my research into the horror of my friend Sue's death & others who have experienced life on Seroquel. EMDR therapy also continues to be a baseline touchstone for me. More on that next time. 

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