Wednesday, September 16, 2009

If ONE more idiot talks to me about NOT utilizing drugs to manage mental illness...........




Look at this picture. Do I look happy? Well, part of the reason, no, actually MOST of the reason is because I'm medicated, legally. If I wasn't medicated, I wouldn't be smiling on vacation, or be ON vacation for that matter, I wouldn't be in my chosen professions of college & art instructor, I wouldn't be a mom, I wouldn't have been married twice to nice guys, & have other dear relationships with family & friends...... I wouldn't have done a lot of things because chances are, I WOULDN'T BE HERE, I'd be DEAD. There I said it.......and I'll say it again. DEAD, & by my own hand for that matter.

This blog is for those of us who are educated about ourselves, reasonably well adjusted, & prior to taking charge of our clinical depression, were trying to SWIM THROUGH MUD. Looking forward to a place to share about it, to reduce the guilt about taking medication to STAY ALIVE & to hearing from you.....

4 comments:

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  2. This blog is a great idea, Diane. And I like keeping it small and personal for now . . . Hmm . . . mental illness. Yes, I could right a book I think. I could talk a/b my depression (now happily stabilized-- feel normal like in the "old" days) Or my mom or the experience of being my sister's legal guardian b/c she's in a group home with mental illness/beginning dementia I'll comment on the guilt a/b taking a pill or pills to function. It's so interesting now looking back at how hard I struggled to not take medication, but when I finally couldn't get out of bed and then when I did it felt like I was walking on shards of glass always hoping no one would talk to me or even look at me for that matter-- NOT taking a pill seemed much less important. And I did feel guilty especially being in the healing arts and having clients that were doing their own inner mental health work and looked at me at an example of being a stable mentally healthy human who was holding a sacred safe space for them!! What initially helped me to get out of the guilt mindset was a book I read, "Unholy Ghosts"? I think. It was an anthology of famous authors who wrote a/b their own mental illness. A couple of the authors where famous psychologists. I was blown away that a practicing well respected psychologist would be courageous enough to put her "secret" in writing! Now I see that she was modeling healthy behavior. It normalized and validated my own experiences as a mental health professional. The guilt is gone. (Sing that to "the thrill is gone :-)" I don't feel the least bit guilty any more ever! The people who have things to say against others taking meds to feel well are either deflecting their own fears a/b that they might need to be doing the same thing or just can't understand what it feels like to be seriously depressed.

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  3. Thank you, thank you and thank you again. The 'friend' who made the comment regarding taking medication for some reason just fried me; I think because she said she had chosen 'spirituality' instead. I did not even know where to begin with that one. I would have crawled on my knees to & prostated myself at the Vatican if I thought it would have taken away my desire to jump off the nearest bridge. But no........she WAS talking spirituality, which I know is a much different thing, & she hardly meant it was the end all either. I would like to hear others talk about the DIFFERENCE between sadness and depression because often I hear meds referred to in larger society as HAPPY pills.

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  4. I know. People think it's like having a margarita or a snort of cocaine or something like that. Maybe they think that b/c when a depressed person feels "normal" it feels so wonderful. I remember one day walking around Pike Street Market w Deb. It dawned on me that I was actually enjoying myself: people watching, seeing the colors of fruits and flowers, etc. etc. Before I wouldn't have even gone or if I did I would have been miserable or just numb. The expression I always used to use when I was in my depressed state was ' trying to move as if I was underwater' i.e. slow, muted . . . AND . . . I am very spiritual person who takes medications. In fact Babba Yaga the great goddess told me to. Her and other little voices . . . .

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