Suicide Dont’s

I opened our local Leader newspaper online today & read that a body had been found hanging from a tree by our hospital. This happens quite a bit it seems, especially around Halloween. Mistaken for a scary ornamental piece, until it’s not. So many stories…. During Ponzi scheme Madoff times, his son Mark hung himself from the rafters while his baby took a nap. Robin Williams hung himself from the doorknob of his bathroom, etc, etc, etc.

Suicide DON'TS:  

By plane, by one's own hand, by cop. Sometimes holding on is not an option for whatever reason. Illness of mind or body. I GET depression. Swimming in MUD. Wanting the agony to just STOP. Been There. 

NO ONE WHO LOVES YOU WILL EVER GET OVER: 

* Not leaving a note

* Doing it in such a way that loved ones find you

*Taking others with you. Flying a plane into a building, taking your wife

  girlfriend, boyfriend, husband or God Forbid, your kids with you. 

*Shooting up a school of other peoples kids, or work places, or clubs, or..

* THIS IS ALL ABOUT YOU & no one else, so keep it that way.

MANY times as a teenager & older, I contemplated my own demise. It was always as a way to STOP the, (perceived), agony of being alive, or during premenstrual hell, hanging off the toilet while I puked, cramped & bled until I was anemic. Somehow I managed to hang on, knowing it would end in exactly 168 hours. 7, 6, 5, 4, 3, 2 ... in just 1 more day, then 24, 23, 22 hours....  I thank God now that I hung on. Frankly, it still happens, BUT, from somewhere deep inside… ‘Did I forget my meds? Hang on for 5 more minutes. Ok another 5 minutes. Call your therapist…. 

For some, the agony will not end. It may be because of a terminal illness or an untreated mental illness. Somewhere in that internal muck however, there IS the absolute knowledge that this is NOT someone else's wish or fault & if you believe it IS, THAT person or THOSE people should get to decide whether or not they are going down YOUR path of their own emotional destruction. 

It's the ultimate personal choice, even though in the moment it doesn’t FEEL like a choice. Making that choice for someone else is MURDER & far more destructive for those left behind, even more than the taking of YOUR own life. 

When I was in high school, there was a sexy, angst ridden, self destructive teen boy who was over 18, drove an orange GTO & dated young impressionable girls. A 16 year old classmate fell in love with him & just like Jack & Diane, they made a lovelorn suicide pact. Unfortunately things didn't go as planned. When he rammed his GTO into a school wall at 60 miles per hour, he died. She, however, came away paralyzed from the waist down.

On a personal note, my grandfather, who was clinically depressed prior to most knowing what clinical depression was, committed suicide @ 50 while my mother was away serving in the RAF. My grandmother found him when she went to prepare his breakfast. There was no note, leaving them to speculate with their own story. They never got over it, which consequently affected generations of my family. The good news was that it led to a greater understanding of our familial genetic predisposition to mood disorders, including my own. The bad news was when he didn't leave a note, he literally took his own agony, along with those who loved him, to his own grave.

Suicide is illegal on most states, except when a Dr. sanctioned subscriber assists a patient to die. Or, your family is part of your personal decision & finds their own way to assist you. Insurance policies often have a caviot that if the policy holder commits suicide, the beneficiaries cannot collect for a non-accident or non-medical reason. Not only will your family mourn your death, they may well become destitute as well. 

Your suicide will ultimately be horrendous & heartbreaking for everyone. The difficult thing to do is to pick up the phone & call the crisis line, where experienced intervention specialists have heard it ALL before & will spend as much time as you need talking over your decision & other options with you. What’s another half an hour in the larger scheme of things? Call 999

Finally, this IS a pre-decision guilt trip, which may or may not affect your decision, but PLEASE, if you have any compassion at all for your loved ones, refer back to the ‘Suicide Don’ts’ as above all else, this is ultimately YOUR decision. Write a note. Say Goodbye. Tell us you love us. And for God’s Sake, call 911 & tell them where to find you before anyone else does. 

Modern Love

Modern Love

https://www.npr.org/podcasts/469516571/modern-love

Take Me As I Am, Whoever I Am With Rebecca Hall 

Modern Love

Rebecca Hall who stars in the upcoming movie "The Night House," reads a story about dating -- while manic. 
In her 2008 essay, “Take Me as I Am, Whoever I Am,” Terri Cheney writes about her lifelong battle with bipolar disorder, a debilitating mental illness which she had struggled to keep secret from her lovers and co-workers.

Ms. Cheney’s witty and moving essay inspired one of the episodes in the Modern Love Amazon Prime Video series. 

Modern Love

is brought to you by COUPLES THERAPY, a new Showtime docu-series following four couples during their weekly sessions with a world-class therapist.

It’s a raw and intimate peek into the hidden world of other people’s relationships.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FJbWAWnWuio

Serious About Your Art?

There is an interesting juxtaposition between this 63M Cezanne & the Ukrainian police guarding it with assault weapons. It had been stolen & recovered from the ceiling lining of a car, while Cezanne was belittled, ostracized & belittled in his lifetime. 

Message: Keep doing your art & remember that the ultimate support comes through YOU. 

Long Term Effects of Psychotropic Drugs

“Although one in five Americans now takes at least one psychotropic drug, the fact remains that nearly seventy years after doctors first began prescribing them, not even their creators understand exactly how or why these drugs work—or don't work—on what ails our brains. Blue Dreams offers the explosive story of the discovery and development of psychiatric medications, as well as the science and the people behind their invention, told by a riveting writer and psychologist who shares her own experience with the highs and lows of psychiatric drugs.

Lauren Slater's revelatory account charts psychiatry's journey from its earliest drugs, Thorazine and lithium, up through Prozac and other major antidepressants of the present. Blue Dreams also chronicles experimental treatments involving Ecstasy, magic mushrooms, the most cutting-edge memory drugs, placebos, and even neural implants. In her thorough analysis of each treatment, Slater asks three fundamental questions: how was the drug born, how does it work (or fail to work), and what does it reveal about the ailments it is meant to treat?

Fearlessly weaving her own intimate experiences into comprehensive and wide-ranging research, Slater narrates a personal history of psychiatry itself. In the process, her powerful and groundbreaking exploration casts modern psychiatry's ubiquitous wonder drugs in a new light, revealing their ability to heal us or hurt us, and proving an indispensable resource not only for those with a psychotropic prescription but for anyone who hopes to understand the limits of what we know about the human brain and the possibilities for future treatments.”

LAUREN SLATER is the author of "The $60,000 Dog: My Life with Animals""Playing House: Notes of a Reluctant Mother" (Beacon Press, Nov. 2013). A psychologist and writer, Slater is the author of five books of nonfiction: Welcome to My Country, Prozac Diary, Lying: A Metaphorical Memoir, Love Works Like This, and Opening Skinner's Box, as well as a collection of short stories, Blue Beyond Blue. Slater has received numerous awards, including a 2004 National Endowment for the Arts award, multiple inclusions in Best American volumes, and a Knight Science Journalism Fellowship at the Massachusetts Institute of Technology. Photographer Photo Credit Name: Dianne Newton, 2012.

Joseph Brodsky, Jewish Poet

 “There are worse crimes than burning books. One of them is not reading them.” 

Joseph Brodsky Jewish Poet

'A Russian newspaper declared that his poetry was “pornographic and anti-Soviet.” The authorities were worried because he was becoming so popular and his readings were attracting large, enthusiastic crowds. He was interrogated, he was put in a mental institution, and then he was arrested. His trial was in secret, but the transcript was smuggled out, and his defense of the right to be a poet made him a hero, especially in the United States and Europe. He was sentenced to five years in a labor camp in Siberia, but there was so much protest that his sentence was commuted after a year and a half. For the next few years he continued to write, but he was harassed and finally expelled from the Soviet Union in 1972. Brodsky was awarded the 1987 Nobel Prize in Literature "for an all-embracing authorship, imbued with clarity of thought and poetic intensity".He was appointed United States Poet Laureate in 1991.

I was only that which
you touched with your palm
over which, in the deaf, raven-black
night, you bent your head...
I was practically blind.
You, appearing, then hiding,
taught me to see.^{[ 8 ]}

Hello Humans: How I managed not to kill myself yesterday

http://www.hellohumans.co/blog/how-i-managed-not-to-kill-myself-yesterday

Sam Lamott; January 2017 

Hello Humans,
Congratulations: you’ve survived the holidays. For some of us saying that takes on a whole new meaning. It is not a cute phrase but a literal statement that we have, in fact, survived. The holiday season can be an onslaught of commercialism and happiness (genuine or not), and although there is nothing wrong with the celebrating, it can be a painful reminder of the things we don't feel, objects we can’t afford, and missing pieces we don't have. It is an exercise in endurance and grit, a magnifier of all life’s shit and discomfort. In a previous blog post I named this group of people who experience these issues as “the tribe of still alive”, and if you consider yourself a member of still alive, then this love letter is for you, and I’m glad you found it.

It has become abundantly clear to me that my mind wants me dead. In the absence of a nice slow death from drug and alcohol abuse, this has turned into something less nuanced.  I’ve found merely existing exhausting at times. I have so many things to live for and be grateful for, but they conveniently escape me when I'm going through a bad stretch. I take the right action— see a therapist and psychiatrist, go to support groups, and try to take care of myself but still, there is no fool proof protection from the faulty wiring.

A few days ago I found myself on the phone with the suicide prevention lifeline, a phone number you’re either familiar with, or should become familiar with as a tribe member. This turn of events is still embarrassing to admit, as these thoughts are confusing and don't match up with the wonderful life I actually have in front of me. I felt guilty and ashamed, and I didn't have the strength to call anybody in my regular support network of friends and loved ones. My mind was fearful I would be a burden on them. It’s this shame and guilt that makes this such a deadly issue.  Our minds tell us to hide, to pretend it isn't there, and not to “bother” the people we would effect if we were no longer living (and who would do anything to help us.)

I didn't call the phone number with a razor to my wrist, or at the edge of the bridge. I hadn't actually planned out how one should go about not existing, and to be honest, there is no option that seems very attractive at this time. My point is, you don’t have to be in imminent physical danger for these thoughts to be life-threatening and dangerous, and you can reach out with nothing more than the desire to not feel the way you are currently feeling.

Our tribe has lost some amazing members this season, and it welcomes a new batch who may be finding themselves with something new, confusing, or terrifying they may not be familiar with. I want to go on the record and say that I, Sam Lamott, am a proud member of still alive, I find existing exhausting at times, and I want to renew my membership. If you are also a member, then I am your brother, we are family, and you are not alone.

 If you're struggling with suicidal thoughts please call the suicide prevention lifeline available 24 hours a day, every day at 1-800-273-8255 or visit https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org/

Go To The Beach

" That incredible feeling of peace and calmness that you experience at the beach is now being referred to as 'blue space.' That’s what scientists have dubbed the effect that the combination of soothing smells & sounds of water have on your brain. The blue space is enough to make you feel at ease in a hypnotic sort of way. When you notice how relaxed you feel at the beach, it’s not just all in your head. Science says that it’s a change in the way your brain reacts to its environment leaving you feeling happy, relaxed and re-energized.

Overall, this BLUE SPACE effects you in four different ways:

1. Going to the beach reduces stress. 

Water is nature’s cure to life’s stressors. It’s full of naturally occurring positive ions that are known for having the ability to make you feel at ease. So whether you jump in for a swim or simply dip your toes in the water, you’re sure to experience a feeling of relaxation. That’s one instant mood booster we could all use from time to time!

2. The beach boosts your creativity.

Feeling like you’re in a creative rut? Well, scientists now believe that the solution to this is the beach. Being in blue space allows you to clear your head and approach problems or projects in a more creative way. Much like meditation, the beach triggers a feeling of calmness that allows you to tune everything else out & reflect on what it is you’ve been needing to focus on.

3. Going to the beach can help reduce feelings of depression.

Much like the effects that the beach has on feelings of stress and creative ruts, the beach also provides some relief to feelings of depression. The hypnotic sound of the waves in combination with the sight & smells of the beach can put you into a meditative space. In turn, you can clear your mind & reflect on life in a safe space away from the chaos of your daily life.

4. Overall, spending time at the beach will change your perspective on life.

And that perspective is going to change for the better! Nature in general has always been a factor in healthy happy lives, but the beach in particular is good for the soul."

Written by Alexandrea Becker 

April 21st, 2017