THE BIG SLEEP: WAKE UP!
(Navigating Chemical & Hormonal Depression)
Last entry in Anne Frank's Diary
"......when everybody starts hovering over me, I get cross, then
sad, and finally end up turning my heart inside out, the bad part on the
outside and the good part on the inside, and keep trying to find a way
to become what I'd like to be and what I could be if ... if only there
were no other people in the world."
I've lost some friends over the past few years & I think I started this for them & for me, to process the loss of life. All were spirited, brilliant, loyal, artistic, sensitive, AND struggling with mental illness to one degree or another, like me. They lived life maybe too HARD or too SOFT, it's hard to tell. One self medicated with booze, smokes & naturopathic's, (nice combo), one gave up all that & died in her mid 70's from a brain tumor & cancer two weeks after she found out about said illnesses & my dear dear Sue died at 50 after about 15 years of PURE HELL within the mental health care system. That's a whole
I feel in some ways I've been 'lucky'. I've had the $$$ to be in therapy since sixteen with women who knew & know their craft well & I've been a dogged & screaming banchi to survive & yes, self medicated in ALL kinds of ways to survive. I finally got the medicine I needed in my mid-thirties &…
I heard on the BBC today that the poet Derek Walcott died & a poem he had written, 'Love After Love', was read on air. I was intriguing enough to look for a copy on-line, but as I scrolled down the page, I felt deflated by charges of sexual harassment brought against him by several previous students enrolled in his college courses. As a woman with an MA, it brought me right back to those professors, in each of the colleges attended, who I was told 'to watch out for', or were easily recognized as predators without any warning needed. As an attractive, intelligent woman out in the real world, I fell in love with & had an affair with my own Naturapath Doctor, who was 12 years my senior. Although he was in the position of power, we were both single & frankly I pursued him & was the one who later moved on to another relationship. I heard years later that he was sued for sexual harassment by another patient & rightly so in whatever the victim's circum…